If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
