he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
