It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
