Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
