I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
