you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
