can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
