he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
