Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
