I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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