We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
