Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my shit smells like andre
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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