I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
