I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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