So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
