It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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