I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
