How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
