did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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