please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
