We got so high we made milksteak
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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