In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
