I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
