why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
