That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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