He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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