He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
