She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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