Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
