I wanna bring you to show and tell
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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