I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
