you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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