Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
