i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
