don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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