Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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