I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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