your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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