already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
