dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I got inside last night via doggy door
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
