that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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