I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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