I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
