i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
