ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
