sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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