i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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