were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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