Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
