I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
