btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
