Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
that may or may not have been my penis.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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