i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
