I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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